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Ban Everything

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Paul Taylor
Paul Taylor

I'm rather surprised that people are still trying to ban junk food advertising during children's TV programming to curtail childhood obesity. Advertising junk food during those times is not a new thing as when I was a kid I was barraged with the same ads. I'm no fattie, and neither are most of my Gen Y friends. A lot has been said about this issue so it's my responsibility as a survivor of the junk food advertising war to offer some invaluable advice.

Poor old television has been blamed for a lot when all it wants to do is shove useless products down our throats amongst the cheap reality shows. How about turning off the TV before and after school and encouraging your kids to get off their arse and outside playing with the neighbouring children. This gets them moving around and away from the couch and gets them fit. Hey, just call me professor Paul. 

Even better yet, how about straight up getting rid of the TV from the household. There's nothing on there that can't be found online anyway, including the junk food ads. Sure, this is a far out concept and I can imagine all the “get outta here you anti-TV, pot-smoking hippie bastard” comments but apart from sport, TV is pretty much useless. News can be found in, surprise surprise, the newspaper and online. Your favourite shows will be out on DVD soon enough and does anyone above the age of 16 watch Idol or Dance or anything like that? And subscription TV promises the world at an inflated cost and offers sub-par programming.  

Sure we can all dream of life without TV, but as usual, the masses are scared of change so until the death of TV comes, I propose further advertising bans. How about ban on, say, credit card ads during the day so unemployed people and dole bludgers don't get into further debt. How about a ban on sex chat lines after midnight because those awake at that hour obviously need a root and will become obsessed with the girl on the other end of the line and want the real thing thus fuelling their crazed stalker potential. And how about banning those ads that sell games, ringtones and wallpapers for your mobile phone during pop music TV shows because any loser that thinks those products are cool are too stupid and probably have giant phone bills, thus getting them into debt. Let's not just worry about the children, lets worry about every Tom, Dick and Harry out there who needs a life because clearly, we are all sheep who can't resist the magnetic attraction of cheap advertising.

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