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Bestselling author retracts infidelity notion

Fuseworks Media
Fuseworks Media

Controversial Australian author, Holly Hill, has retracted her notion of "negotiated infidelity", saying it emasculates men and makes women feel insecure.

Despite it becoming a household term after her appearances on Larry King, Dr Phil and Sixty Minutes, the self-described 'sex activist' has announced she got it wrong.

Ms Hill and her then partner, Phil Dean, conducted a four year 'road test' of the lifestyle as research for her third memoir.

'We sacrificed our own relationship to discover sex outside the marital bed must be an agreed-upon treat and not an everyday expectation,' Ms Hill said.

'Poor Phil was so emasculated by the experience that he now prefers a tight leash held by a jealous woman.'

'As for me, I went from having healthy esteem to feeling like the ugliest girl in the room.'

Ms Hill said any arranged infidelity must be the "exception and not the expectation" and she has reversed her notion, now calling it "negotiated fidelity" instead.

"Whilst we know that monogamy hasn't worked for at least fifty percent of couples and has been scientifically discredited in books such as 'Sex at Dawn', it must still remain as a collaborative option in our relationship repertoire,' Ms Hill said.

'A couple might also choose to have monogamous periods, such as when they are in the 'nesting' stage or during periods of insecurity.'

She said negotiated fidelity is about defining a couple's own unique sexual boundaries for their ongoing relationship and is part of the notion of having unconditioned love.

'Unlike traditional concepts of love, unconditioned love also recognizes our hardwired aspects, such as gender differences, sexuality, pathology, inherited fetishes and hormones,' Ms Hill said.

'These things are just as important - if not more so - than outdated cultural constructs. These include the myths that true love means we won't be attracted to others, or we will happily cross our legs for extended periods if our partner isn't interested.'

'Love and relationships are currently all wishful thinking and no science,' Ms Hill said. 'If we don't change the recipe, the end result will continue to have even chances of failure.'

'The couples I have interviewed with the best, most stable, loving, relationships are occasionally relaxing their fidelity when they get bored or too predictable, or if one partner has to abstain for a while. It does not necessarily mean sex with other people - it could also include perving, porn, masturbation and so on.'

Ms Hill is the author of Australian bestseller, Sugarbabe and Toyboy, published by Random House (Australia) and Skyhorse Publishing (New York.)

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