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I Haiti Earthquakes

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Paul Taylor
Paul Taylor

A bit less than a month ago an earthquake hit Haiti which killed more than 170,000 people. Now, the music world is reaching out to help in their own insular way – a charity-fundraising-pop-song. Wait, not one, but two songs. That's right, artists assembled in the US are going head to head against artists assembled the UK in the “who can raise the most cash to help people who we'd never have helped before this earthquake because although they may have lived in abject poverty all their lives it didn't matter because that was never headline news” stakes.   

In the Union Jack corner we have a collaborative rendition of REM's Everybody Hurts featuring Mariah 'I over sing everything' Carey, Susan 'people only listen to my music because I'm ugly' Boyle, Jon Bon 'I had awesome 80's hits' Jovi, Rod 'I should have died of old age by now' Stewart, Mika 'guy who should never have become a popstar', Michael Buble and James Blunt 'aren't they the same?', Kylie 'I still wear hot pants' Minogue and others not worth naming. 

In the Stars and Belligerence corner we have a collaborative rendition of the old charity hymn We Are The World but the title has been updated to fit the new decade; We Are The World – 25 for Haiti, featuring Celine 'my face looks like a surfboard crossed with an alien head shape thing' Dion, Miley 'my dad did better than me in the music industry with only one annoying song' Cyrus, Vince 'I'm an actor not a singer but I don't care coz I'm funny' Vaughn, Kanye 'I have no friends anymore' West, Lil 'My voice is so grating' Wayne, Natalie 'My dad made me famous' Cole, Enrique 'I'm famous for the same reason as Natalie Cole' Iglesias, Pink 'I'm a lesbian feminist hooker' and Barbara Streisand “we're too old of this shit” and Carlos Santana. 

But it really is fair enough for these rich musicians to lend their voices to a cover version of a song. God forbid they write a new song and lose out on masses of royalties due to the charity cause. God forbid they actually donate some cash they have stowed away in shares or bonds. It is really worrying when musicians decide not to help in monetary ways but to release a single and let us poor folk buy it in which the cash goes to the cause. Surely, the musicians mentioned above could have easily set up a fund and contributed to it which would make more cash than selling a piss poor charity track.  

Musicians are in a world of their own, much like vampires, feeding their egos by lending their voices to a song to help those affected by natural disasters. If we didn't have any natural disasters then we wouldn't have these charity tracks. Stopping global warming will stop these music terrorists! 

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