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The End of Men? I Don't Think So . .

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Rosie Bowie
Rosie Bowie

Some of you may have read about a forthcoming book “The End of Men” about the “shocking speed” with which the dominant position of men is changing forever.   It seems a little far-fetched to make such a radical suggestion, but as a dating person used to dealing with men in the New Zealand dating scene, let me make a couple of quick observations. 

The book's author, Hanna Rosin, says that men are rapidly losing their power with the change in economic conditions when the tough male worker was required, but that role has given way to the need for people with social intelligence, open communication, focus and so forth.

These trends are certainly something we see at Matchcompany, more women are the breadwinners, or at least primary breadwinners.  

In the US there are 3 women to every 2 men who get university degrees.  Doubtless the figure is much the same here and certainly the rise of professional women over the past 20 years or so has been remarkable.

 But it hardly signals the end of men?

So what are some things that men may need to do to improve their dating success in the 2000s?

 Smart Tips for Smart Guys

Women are definitely a lot smarter on the dating scene than they were even a few years ago.  You need to send out the right signals – now more than ever.

So make sure you stand out from the “others” by doing some basic things that will help you hugely, in my view.

First, don’t play, or overplay the kiwi alpha male, red-necked type.  It can go so far, but when you push it you are also telling her to push off.   These days the alpha male type is more likely to be seen as arrogant and boring, rather than manly and attractive.  Men are expected to be a little more new age these days, which doesn’t mean boringly polically correct, but just a little more in touch with their emotions than the days of their fathers.

Second, you need good communication skills.  That means listening as much as speaking.  You may be the tops at what you do and totally in control and everything else, but by listening you can build a connection that can become all but indestructible.  You need to build that connection and make a bridge between you and her.  So don’t overdo the talk – listen and ‘connect’.

 Third, always try and mix in some humility and humour with the stories and chat.  Women respond hugely to humour and if its seen as something that’s genuinely funny together with interesting about yourself or anything else you really are half way there.

If you want to talk with me about your own dating issues, feel free to email me at

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