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False eye lashes for men?

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Contributor:
Paul Taylor
Paul Taylor

In this pressure cooker world of perfectionism women consume cosmetics to attain a manufactured appearance of beauty. One thing that requires attention is the eye lashes. Countless products on the shelves promise thicker, fuller and longer lashes. Some women even complain that guys have it easy in the lashy area because, as we all know, guys have naturally long, full and thick lashes.

I always considered evolution the reason why men's lashes are longer, fuller and thicker. Back in the caveman days men would go out and hunt while the women stayed in the cave and reared the kids. Men needed to keep dust and dirt out of their eyes while they were venturing through the wilds hunting for the next pig to bring home. Since women didn't hunt, they didn't need as much eye protection. Pretty simple, pretty basic, pretty logical.

But somewhere along the line someone came up with the idea women needed longer and fuller and thicker lashes to be considered beautiful. Marketing 101 strikes. Now, it's the guys turn. A new product out on the market is a pair or false eye lashes for guys. Cleverly enough, the product is called Guylashes by Eylure. They claim celebs like Johnny Depp and Russell Brand use 'em. Marketing 101 strikes again. Or does it?

This pressure cooker world of perfectionism has not only turned gender inside out and turned it upside down but it has ripped it to shreds then glued it back together with silicon and botox all in the name of the cosmetic company dollar. This isn't the first time I've written (well okay, ranted) about eye-lashes. Check out this post I did about a product for eye-lashes for your car HERE.

Back to the point which is pretty clear. Men don't need false eye lashes. And, what man in his right mind would want wear them? Drag queens wouldn't because these false lashes aren't big and loud enough to parody the female ideal of beauty. An offer worker wouldn't wear them unless he's having trouble hunting for stationary in a dusty cupboard. A construction worker wouldn't wear them because God already invented sunglasses and, well, he'd just get called gay by the others on site. An emo musician might wear them along with their eye-liner and whatever else but emo isn't really in anymore so there goes that idea.

This same company may or may not be behind other genius ideas such as guyliner and manscara. What next? Pantyhose for me with an extra roomy gusset? High heels for men? Lipstick? I'd really, truly like to see the humour in these ideas but it's a bit hard when it's an obvious ploy by cosmetic companies to double their market by inciting males to purchase their products.

And if you're thinking of getting all up in my face with the whole “A real man who is comfortable with his sexuality can confidently give these a try and still be masculine” then think again. That's the sort of cop out rubbish that I'd expect. There is nothing masculine about a guy standing in front of a mirror and dolling himself up to go out on the town with his friends. Imagine, he picks up a girl and brings her home, tells her to wait while he takes out his fake lashes before some coitus? She'd be gone faster than you can say “Wait! I can't sleep with them in! The glue glues my eyes shut sometimes! It's happened before.”
 

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