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Global Catastrophes Finally Explained as "Ring of Fire" Theory is Debunked!

Contributor:
Dallas Boyd
Dallas Boyd

All I can say is... Thank God someone finally had the balls to say what we were all thinking!

In recent months a series of devastating earthquakes have shaked the globe. Is there a connection? Yes!

Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi, a senior Iranian cleric, slots the pieces of the puzzle together by making the connection that women who wear revealing clothing and behave promiscuously are to blame for earthquakes. "Many women who do not dress modestly ... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes."

Unfortunately the erroneous “Ring of Fire” mythology that continues to run rampant among certain members of the scientific community is both irresponsible and intensely damaging. This superstitious belief system is based on the idea that plate tectonics and the movement of crustal plates are directly responsible for about 90% of the world´s earthquakes. It is not considered to be a coincidence that over 75% of the world´s active and dormant volcanoes are located along the “Ring of Fire”.

Luckily, key intellectuals and leaders understand that this geology based “Ring of Fire” explanation has been grossly misunderstood and confused with the popular country music song, “Ring of Fire” sung by the one and only Man in Black, Mr Johnny Cash. As immorality in women skyrockets and the earthquakes keep coming, it is becoming increasingly clear that the song “Ring of Fire” serves as a metaphor to warn of the inevitable dangers which result from wayward she-devils. To quote, “Love is a burning flame and it makes a fiery ring, Bringing hurt to the heart's desire, I fell in the ring of fire, I fell into, into a burning ring of fire, I fell down, down, down, down into the deepest mire, and it burns, burns, burns, burns, the ring of fire.”

Not that I want to spoil the next theme in the latest Dan Brown novel, but there is no doubt that Mr Cash is referring to earthquakes causing the ground to open up and swallow innocent men who have been corrupted and seduced by perky young females. And to think... the answer was right under our noses all along.

This morning a link was sent to my Facebook – “Boobquake” with a picture of some cleavage. Being as razor sharp as I am I immediately thought, “I don´t get it.” But through some tireless investigation on my part (I clicked on the link) I was able to learn more about Boobquake… and what I learned rocked and shocked me to my core. “This is EXACTLY why women shouldn´t be given too much power!” I huffed.

A growing group of females, who can only be described as terrorists, plan to hijack the health and safety of the world through a highly organized and deadly display of promiscuity on the 26th of April – to see if their cleavage can cause an earthquake of catastrophic proportions. By jingo! Personally on that day I will be taking refuge in religion and reflecting on how I can adapt my life to Islam's moral codes. I suggest you cast your short shorts aside and do the same.

Fortunately there are always good role models to be found in the world if we look hard enough. “Feminism is a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.” Well said Pat Robertson. Well said.

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