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Happy Racists

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Dallas Boyd
Dallas Boyd

 “Sorry, we don’t hire blacks. No offence meant.”

That was the reply Julia Eru got when she applied for an online retail job. She tried again, using a fake English name and got a different reply, “Hi honey, positions are now closed. Lots of love, Andria.”

(Personally, I wouldn’t want to work for somebody who called me “honey” and replied with “lots of love” either.)
This incident would probably cause most of us to mount our high horses and start clippity-cloppiting around about how outrageous and disgusting this is. But, to perhaps no ones surprise, a recent study has shown that many people are apparently unconsciously racist. 
In the study, a group of university students were asked to play a video game in which they were instructed to shoot only at people carrying guns. Uni students were chosen for the study because not only are they known for their intelligence and sophistication, but also for their bad ass videogame skills. Despite the clear instructions, many of the students shot people wearing turbans, even though they were innocent and unarmed - this is apparently known as the “turban effect.” (Why are they shooting at anyone?)
And apparently, the happier you are, the more likely you are influenced by racist stereotypes. (Because when you feel stink, you are more sympathetic, cynical, and less inclined to be stupid). Ever seen a deliriously happy dog think their actions through? Exactly. Is this why bigots always seem so smug?
How subconscious are our ideas about race and prejudice? I don’t know, but last night, as I watched an Asian man approach an intersection and enter it, the whole time driving his car backwards, a part of me very consciously questioned the ability of Asians to drive on the whole. And then this morning I received an email from an Asian woman informing me that a magic dog told her my birthday is on June 18th. (My birthday is not on June 18th). As odd as this is, I guess maybe it’s just… a cultural difference? Or mushrooms. I shouldn’t judge. 
Recently, I was putting together a collection of family photos and my best friend, as helpful as she is, picked up an old photo of me with my brothers from when we were all pre-schoolers. With our baby blonde hair and our shocking blue eyes, she exclaimed to my Mum “wow! You really did have Hitler’s ideal family.”
I’m reasonably sure Mum was not intentionally trying to breed an Aryan race. And to be fair, these days we’re a lot more ginger than anyone of us would like to admit. (Let’s not get started on the ginger prejudice though, it's very sensative - hahaha.)
Quite frankly, if Adolf wanted to try and push us all into believing that blonde bombshells are the standard for beauty and perfection against which we must be judged, he should have gotten a few tips from Hugh Hefner. "Gentlemen prefer blondes"? Come on, give me a break. So do Fascists. 
If, as the study indicated, our subconscious racism peaks when we are happy, then sending the likes of (post pink bikini Daisy Duke) Jessica Simpson into Iraq to cheer up the troops wasn’t exactly the best idea. Fools! Don’t they know anything about the “Turban effect”?!?!
I suggest those scientists go back to their clipboards and get busy. I’d like to know more about “White Trash effect.” 

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