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I'm Not As Skinny As I Used To Be

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Paul Taylor
Paul Taylor

Believe it or not, I'm a skinny guy. Yep, no meat on any of my bones whatsoever (well, maybe except one, ha ha oh). For the past few months though, I've been gorging on everything within my sight; pies, fast food, salad, steak, sausages, candles and small children. I love food to the max and I never thought I'd actually empathise with those who enjoy the ups and downs of body size.

It's strange really, nowadays when I stroll the streets I feel an unfamiliar jiggling in my lower torso area. Like, a real jiggling as if I've got some sort of fatty substance between my skin and muscles. My arms are getting thicker and when I bow my head I get this strange sensation of skin and that fatty substance gathering under my chin, thus giving me almost two chins. 

My backside has gotten larger too, which is fantastic because when I take a seat on a hard surface I am no longer sitting on bone, but some kind of cushiony substance. Best part of all, I don't look like such a weedy person, you know the type, them skinny guys with that real awkwardness about them. That's not me anymore, no, I'm a much more rounded person. 

Best part of all is, no stretch marks. Can you believe that? Well, can you believe that you're reading a young guy's perspective on weight gain? It's all true, I have nothing to gain from wasting time creating lies. The fact that I have no stretch marks obviously means I have more weight to gain. Bring it on! Yo, fatty, you gonna eat those kebabs? Can I take them off your hands and dip them a bacon sauce? Why, thank you. Gimme the food, I say. Oh, and I can't forget to thank beer for my success in the weight gain stakes. Drinking every night has made me healthier than ever. 

But, with weight gain comes further weight gain which I welcome with an empty stomach, but how big is too big? I mean, when you start off live as a stick insect, any weight gain is a worry. Especially nowadays what with the advertising industry and lifestyle media telling us that any jiggly bit isn't worth it's weight in gold. 

So here begins my conundrum. Do I keep gaining weight to look healthy and perfect my sexy gut or do I lose what I've put on because I'm not as sexy as I think. Do I begin buying weight loss solutions in the fear that what I have actually gained is not healthy for me at all or do I put in the hard yards of eating and drinking then resign myself to the couch for the rest of my unhealthy natural life with my gut as my only friend. I like to do things in wholes, so there really is no compromise here, people. 

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