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Mum's The Word

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Contributor:
Samantha Lee
Samantha Lee
Have you ever received one of those random texts from your Mum that’s either half in capitals, has a random “cool” slang word, or simply just does not make any sense?
 
If you’ve ever wondered if anyone has taken the time to document these wonderful email and text missives then fear not, Postcards From Yo Momma has you sorted, and seeing as Mother’s Day has just been and gone, I thought it appropriate to give those of you who experienced “Mum’s randomness” up close and personal last weekend a few gems:
 
Fornication-Free Royal Wedding:
 
 
Mom: I hope you are up watching the royal wedding!
Mom: it is just like pride and prejudice but without the fornication!
 
Hear me…RABBITS: 
 
Mom: I bought some baby clothes for you today. I know you aren’t pregnant, but I thought that maybe if I bought the clothes it would work in reverse…like I could will you to get knocked up. Are you knocked up? Tell that husband of yours to get busy. I want you two sexing it up like rabbits.Hear me…RABBITS.
Love,
Mom
PS: Your father is getting a vasectomy
 
Sometimes a Snake is Just a Snake:
 
Back-story: My mom was a kindergarten teacher in a bad part of town.
Mom: It was a rough neighbourhood. The kind of place where the men would come to the playground and let their snakes out of their bags.
Me: Ew! Mom that’s so gross.
Mom: I know. I hate snakes.
Me: Wait, that was a euphemism for something right?
Mom: No! They had real snakes! We had to go check the playground before recess to make sure they weren’t slithering around by the swings or anything. 
 
Spring Cleaning? 
 
Mom: aASDFGHJKL;’
Mom: 890-
Me: ?
Mom: SORRY i WAS VACUMING THE KEYBOARD
 
Tru Dat:
 
Mom: my bad, as they say.
Me: Tru dat, as they say.
Mom: That’s how I roll….I’m a ding dong.
 
The site has a great selection from contributors all over the world, which when reading makes you feel like hey, mine isn’t the only mother that still feels the need to remind me to pack extra underwear when going away, sends mildly passive aggressive texts about calling “when you have time”, and also manages to PUT capitals ON words that don’t really REQUIRE them.
 
The editors make sure to regularly thank the Mums who regularly unknowingly contribute to the site, and for those that have found out they have reached unlikely fame through the site- they are always flattered, albeit slightly alarmed that the site’s viewers might be able to “FaceSpace” them:
 
It’s Like I’m Famous!
 
Me: Mom you’re number two for the week on post cards from yo momma!
Mom: What’s that?
Me: It’s a website that has funny things mothers send their kids.  Yours was a text message!
Mom: I SWEAR THIS WORLD!  NOW PEOPLE CAN JUST READ MY TEXT MESSAGES AND POST THEM ON SOME WEBSITE!!! HOW DID THEY READ MY TEXTS?!? HOW DID YOU FIND IT? I’M CALLING OBAMA ABOUT THIS!
Me: …uh I submited the text message…
Mom: oh…I’m number two!? Which message was it? That’s exciting.  I’ll have to tell your dad when he gets home! It’s like I’m famous!
 
My Mum sent the best text a few weeks ago: “Re wof u.” I thought she was trying to say “We love you” in Scooby-Doo language and spent days thinking it was cute- turns out it was a half-finished text she didn’t realise she’d sent: “Regarding Warrant of Fitness you...”
 
Being the excellent daughter I am, I flew away to London on the weekend, thereby missing Mother’s Day- so Happy belated Mother’s Day Mum, from your wayward child that loves you heaps, even if she’s on the other side of the world.
 
Check out Postcards From Yo Momma for more “modern day maternal correspondence” or submit your own via the comments below.

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