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NZ Dating News - Should You Really Try Before You Buy?

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Contributor:
Rosie Bowie
Rosie Bowie

A recent, much commented upon post on the Stuff website – Try Before You Buy – looked at the issue of living with someone before settling down into a long term relationship. Author Greer McDonald indicated that NOT living with someone tested the relationship, but also extended it in ways that living together would or could not do.

It’s true that there can be no ultimate ‘try before you buy’ time-frame limited scenario that anyone wanting to live together must accept.

We’re all different and hooray for that.

But when there is the long distance relationship, for instance, or just a job, religion-based or other reason why you may not be able to live together then there is absolutely no reason why any peer pressure, social pressure or any other pressure should mitigate against such a decision.

Absence can make the heart grow fonder, just as presence can fill it with contempt, resentment and ultimately separation.

So what’s the rule? Well, obviously, there are none. You should respect the mutual decision you both wind up making and develop your relationship accordingly. Relationships involving couples who don’t live together can evolve or devolve just as much as those that do.

I often think that “living together” can involve a degree of relationship that can actually be quite phoney, because it can be done because of perception and image rather than heartfelt commitment. And that's what I often tell our Matchcompany clients.

Relationships need space and appropriate distance and intimacy in equal measure. Just make sure you achieve the balance that suits the both of you. 

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