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Telecom Conspiracy Theory #65

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Samantha Lee
Samantha Lee
Who’s still on dial-up internet?
Whose internet connection, when their Telecom bill is nearing its due date, gets a really slow speed?
The reason that I’m bringing this up is that my Telecom bill, for the last four consecutive months, and due to myriad reasons from too many Borders books to blonde moments, has thus been paid late for the last four consecutive months.
Hence, for the last four consecutive months I’ve had, in the days leading to my inevitable capitulation and payment, a really slow dial-up connection, and at times no connection at all.
Bear in mind we are not talking slow as in going to grab a cup of coffee while you wait for a Youtube video to load- no- we are talking leaving the house, going for a drink down the pub, coming back slightly malfunctioning from too much Happy out of the hour, and then discovering that you now have a three second shot of Johnny Depp out of your three minute video. (I was trying to watch the Alice in Wonderland trailer. Looks short.)
After the Johnny Depp Deprivation Incident, I called my internet service provider, who very helpfully ran a diagnostic, and told me there was nothing wrong with the line- perhaps the cords?
So, I went out and purchased cords.
No improvement, and now I had only to go and pay my Really Appallingly Late Telecom Bill, having had nothing you could call a surf on the web (more like a toe-dipping experience).
 Exactly, and I quote, “two working days” after I paid my bill lo and behold, I have the world’s fastest internet dial up can possibly conjure!
How can this be?
I assume (although this has been known to make an ass out of u and me), that I pay my Telecom bill for the fricking phone and my internet provider for the fricking internet connection.
Therefore it follows that my internet provider (the one that provides the internet) should stop doing so if I pay my bill late. They are the ones that should punish me by cutting the dial up connection or making my internet slow.
Telecom should not be doing random funky things with my phone line (presumably to make me pay the bill faster-ha) - they should be sending hoards of telemarketers after me or calling to harass me at work- that’s their jurisdiction and though I have not an ounce of proof they are doing so, I’m going to blame them for my crap internet until someone else proves otherwise.
I mean, yes, bad Samantha, not paying her bill. Obviously I need some sort of budget advice or to stop obeying the signs that say “Buy Now!”
That’s beside the point.
I have no problem being fined, harassed, yelled at, bullied, or receiving letters telling me I need to talk to Joey or I’m “sleeping with the fishes” (Whole other story.)
I would just like to get in trouble with the correct company. It ruins the rules that govern my little world, and quite frankly, I don’t appreciate it.
I already pay monthly for a line I use maybe three times a month to actually talk to people (go, the cell phone- not a Telecom one).
I then pay another amount to a different company for the internet- on which I daily talk to people online, send emails, and dispatch random blogs into cyberspace.
Telecom may hold the monopoly on the phone lines, but I’m finding more and more reasons to have less to do with them.
I did think to do a survey, as there is always the very likely possibly I'm putting hyperbole to good use, but I asked around at work this week and nearly everyone has experienced this with dial-up, as well as a myriad of other bad service stories.
If that’s not concrete evidence, well, read 1984 and you'll get a vague glimpse in to Telecom’s future.

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