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Top dating fears revealed

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Contributor:
Rosie Bowie
Rosie Bowie

'Dating Fear' is something that involves more men than women on average, but a recent survey we conducted among male clients at Matchcompany showed that the fear men experienced was somewhat different from the fear that many might imagine.

The men were more afraid of losing their mates than meeting women.

Here are the top 5 "fears":
Losing “mates”. And the Number 1 fear or apprehension held by kiwi men was that by engaging in a relationship they could be smothered and will lose time with their own male friends.

The “fear”is more a perception than fear itself and relates to the fact that male bonding and friendship is regarded as one of the key criteria kiwi men have and it is the one they treasure – almost to the detriment of any relationship with a member of the opposite sex.

They fear having a clingy or needy lady who will prevent them seeing their mates. Several actually said that while they wanted a good relationship with a lady, they actually put off seeking help from people like ourselves because they almost valued their own independence and male friends more.

There was also a clear perception among some that any lady may disapprove of their friends and some long-term relationships could be doomed.

The fear of ‘mates’ loss’ was the number one concern, but the others were somewhat similar and were based on the essentially ‘selfish’ nature of singles.

The answer is to make sure that not everything needs to be done together and a good partnership will be based upon sharing and a clear understanding of boundaries.

Mature couples aren’t going to jeopardize what could be a good relationship by ruining long-standing friendships that one or other party.

2. Not having enough money. As women earn more and assume greater financial independence, many men feel threatened by the prospect of seeing a woman who is earning more than they are. Combined with this concern was a consistent concern about job losses and what might happen should they lose their job.

A degree of insecurity has eclipsed their desire to pursue a relationship, displaying the twin fears of job insecurity and financial insecurity.

3. Losing too much time. It may seem an odd one, but many men were concerned that they might pursue a relationship that intrudes upon the time they wanted to spend doing other things. Many mature men in particular – like women – are relatively stuck in their ways in terms of their interests and pastimes, which become increasingly important to them, often to the detriment of finding a successful relationship.

Keeping some balance to your life is key to any successful relationship and most men and women who are in mid-life or later will have plenty going on. The men were often concerned that they would lose time to do the things they still regarded – often quite properly – as important.

4. Expensive women – Men were concerned about high maintenance women who could prove detrimental to their financial health or just “expensive”. They don’t want the stress of having someone who is creating financial pressure and also placing pressure on existing relationships.

5. Health. As we all grow older so too do health concerns and several men displayed concerns about “health matches” where they might be matched with someone either more fit or health or less so than they are. Many also displayed concerns about health issues generally.

Matchcompany.co.nz is currently focusing upon assisting mature men to find long-term partners. A free introductory interview is granted to those serious about finding love with details available at the agency’s website at www.matchcompany.co.nz or email: rb@matchcompany.co.nz.

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