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Best Job in NZ: MP for Te Tai Tokerau

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Dave Griffith
Dave Griffith
Hone Harawira

Ever wanted to slum it on $131,000 a year with an additional $14,800 expense account to take care of those annoying little extras that chew up your disposable income?

All this and more can be yours if you are fortunate enough to be the Member of Parliament for Te Tai Tokerau. Representing Maori roll voters in the picturesque winterless north is an exciting opportunity for any aspiring politician.

Looking to broaden your horizons you will have the opportunity to see the rest of the country and the world with an annual travel and accommodation tab in excess of $50,000. When official business gets too much, it's ok to have some diversions and sightseeing trips lined up to relieve the boredom of official engagements.

But the benefits are not just monetary. It is so refreshing in this PC world that there is still one job out there where you can do and say what you like. Racial slurs, sexually offensive comments, gratuitous swearing and generally disrespectful behaviour are all good.

If anyone complains about your expenses, language or attitude you can just tell them to stuff off too. Because you represent your people and if the Prime Minister, your Party leaders or anyone else don't like it they can all get stuffed. Even if your Party President – a respected leader with a lifetime of service to New Zealand and his people - invites you to leave you are able to brush off the invitation. You are not stupid – why would you exchange being the centre of attention for political oblivion.

After all it is hard to fathom why the establishment is so upset when they have been ripping off the people for centuries and you have only been doing it for 4 years - hypocrites.

You are invincible. Your constituents love you. Who cares if your Parliamentary colleagues have had enough of your behaviour, and you might damage the Party. You can be a good boy for a while. It's no drama – how hard can puritanical bulls**t be?

One of the best parts of this role is that when all the stress from the extensive travel and media scrutiny get too much, its no problem to head home for a couple of months with the blessing of your leaders on full pay to help recharge the batteries. No committee meetings or boring days in the house for you. Summers coming and you can spend some time with the people you love.

Maybe when all that together time is over it might be time to take some annual leave just for some 'You' time.

Is this the best job in New Zealand? Does all this sound good? Keen to give it a go for yourself? Well don't apply any time soon because the job is taken and Hone is not going anywhere. Well maybe except to Europe, America, Asia……….…………..want to chip in with some spending money? Don't worry you already have – its called taxes.

If some of you don't like what I have written, I am not so rude as to tell you to stuff off, but I am prepared to apologise and take a couple of months off on full pay to get over the trauma of apologising.

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