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How low can John Key go?

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Dallas Boyd
Dallas Boyd

Someone to believe in...

New Zealanders have elected a new Prime Minister. John Key is our chosen man - or “The Chosen One” if you like (…assuming you voted and he didn‘t weasel in through bribes, lies, and various “favours”. A few weeks ago an article showed up in the news announcing his $7 million dollar mansion is too big for the Prime Ministerial Security Team to properly secure. Obviously being Prime Minister comes with it‘s fair share of problems. But I am fairly certain most New Zealanders do not live in $7 million dollar mansions, let alone $1 million dollar mansions. How can John Key, if he really is the Fancy Pants he appears to be, represent the average New Zealander if he can’t relate to us?

This is not about cutting down a tall poppy, a rich poppy, or even a hard working poppy, as I’m sure Mr Key is. But if you think about the most beloved and remembered leaders throughout history, you will realise they all had one thing in common - the humbling ability to eat dirt. To hit rock bottom, run with the underdogs, be walked over, put down, debased and abused. Because through this something magical happens - they become one of us. Once we can relate to our leader (and they to us) we can love our leader and maybe even be led. And isn’t that sort of supposed to be the point? KEY PEOPLE

Lets flesh this rabble out with some famous examples (because everybody loves celebrities). Nelson Mandela: anti-apartheid activist who was imprisoned for 27 years, but he came out on top, met Charlize Theron, and she told him she loved him - nice one Mr M! Princess Diana: she spent time with devastatingly sick and poor people while being stalked by paparazzi (providing us with media fodder we then devoured like starving Africans, consequently leading to her demise - weird right?). Mother Theresa: a top woman who decided that living in absolute poverty was A-OK as long as she could make other peoples lives better. And she totally did. Che Guevara: who stuck up for people who had no voice only to get murdered for his troubles. Even Jesus Christ had to put up with a bit of stick (i.e. crucifixion) and he was only trying to be nice. Barack Obama gets brownie points for being the first African American President of the United States. He brings to mind people such as Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Rosa Parks, and everyone else beaten down for being black, brown, beige or whatever. So basically, if the geek shall inherit the earth, we need a loser to run it. A big one.

Maybe the School of Hard Knocks doesn’t bring out the best in everyone, but it certainly has turned out some great leaders and even better human beings. So the question is… How low can John Key go? After a quick spot of totally unprofessional and distracted Googling, the only further information I learned about John Key is that he has quite a nice collection of neck-ties (for a description of his neck-ties see “The Secret Diary of Prime Minister John Key, aged 47 ⅓” Bob Jones, The Dominion Post). As I believe neck-ties to be slightly more accessible to the average Kiwi than multi-million dollar homes, maybe he is on the right track after all. Give him a chance to prove his Fancy Pants, support his inevitable screw-ups, and let’s see if our new Chosen One can lose like a champ.

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