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Michael Laws - I Am Legend - The Rest of You Are Not

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Dave Griffith
Dave Griffith

Fresh from fighting to save the world from Greenies, Commies and pacifists our favourite Tory super hero is in action again. This time it is personal, this time they are messing with HIS town. Not just a part of it but the very thing that identifies it – its name.

Most days Michael must feel like Robert Neville from I Am Legend, seemingly the last ‘normal’ man left alive among a world full of mutant zombies. Zombies like those Wellington government bureaucrats a while back who allowed the dual naming of Wanganui. A few memos and no action is one thing but getting contractors to put up actual signs is a step too far.
Have those Commie loving pacifist scum not been reading the news? Socialism and political correctness have been replaced by mining of conservation land, beneficiary bashing and tax cuts for the rich. Sanity has prevailed in the land and the world has changed. Michael’s lone crusade has new allies in the Beehive and he can now be recognized as the visionary he always was.
Now the glorious leader of Wanganui – by the sea, has cast off the shackles of Local Government and decreed – yes decreed - that the deeply offensive signs are taken down. Bugger democracy. Having to consult with other Councilors and leave operational control to the Chief Executive of the Council staff is such an outdated irritant, when direct rule is so…..well personally erotic actually…..and decisive.
So great is his sacrifice for the cause that while other mortals sleep he lies awake and agonizes over such weighty issues as – should he take the ‘H’ out of his own name by deed poll to show those turnips in Wellington that only losers have an ‘H’ in their name.  
Yes I AM MIC(H)AEL! I AM LEGEND! And the rest of you should just back off and let me get on with it, because genius can only flourish when it is not hampered by lesser mortals.
We are one big happy family here in Wanganui everyone is welcome to come and pitch their tent here (just not in the parks). Hear my message broadcast to the civilized few in a land filled with mutant zombies "If anyone is out there, I can provide food, shelter, security. If there's anybody out there (that thinks like me) ... you are not alone”.
Yes everyone is welcome except the following few exceptions; Commies, beneficiaries, anyone with gang affiliations, socialists, conservationists, government bureaucrats, anyone who thinks another culture has any value, the homeless, anyone who doesn’t agree with me on anything, pacifists, those that are uncomfortable with American foreign policy and anyone not intending to vote for me at the next Local Government elections. Maori are welcome as long as they embrace the white mans laws and way of life and forget their heritage.
Here is the thing people, now that I am building this new paradise for all ‘right’ thinking ‘Laws’ abiding citizens, how will they find their way to the new totalitarian nirvana of Wanganui if some scumbag has changed the road signs?
So you see this is not just about changing a letter in the legend on the map. This is about creating a society based on hate, fear and racial intolerance. I AM MICAEL (formerly known as Michael), I AM LEGEND. If you agree with me you are welcome to come and serve me and help tear down these ‘signs’ of change on the road to Wanganui. If you don’t agree then stay well away, but not too far away because I still need someone to blame for anything that goes wrong.   

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