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Thanks, Westpac

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Paul Taylor
Paul Taylor

The other day I checked my bank account and found I had an extra $10million too. I dunno what’s going on in the bank but whatever it is I hope they keep doing it because I’ve already spent my bonus unexpected balance which I like to call ‘putting up with crappy service allowance’.

Banks make so much money in fees and interest rates per year that they should hold their own weekly lottery. Imagine the marketing. “Sign up for a Westpac account and you’ll automatically go into the weekly draw to win our weekly lottery. Account numbers are drawn at random. So head to your local ATM – preferably a non-Westpac ATM so we can slog you for more fees – and check your account daily because you don’t know when you’ll strike it lucky, and neither do we for that matter…”

So the Westpac fugitives are living it up in China and drinking Chinese beer. Nice. I personally wouldn’t go to China but rather head to Europe or the Middle East, somewhere with no extradition laws and where the New Zealand dollar is strong.

The fugitives Leo Gao, Kara Yang-Hurring and Aroha Hurring are living the dream we all want to live. An unexpected bonus at the bank’s expense and travelling the world for free, basically. What I find really stupid is that Aroha Hurring is documenting their expeditions on her Facebook page and claims that the Chinese “are looking at me funny”. I think I know why. The Chinese aren’t used to seeing cashed-up bogans in their country. She also mentions the “bling” on cars in Hong Kong and how she’s allowed to smoke inside. Clearly this Aroha character has never been anywhere outside of her own street before and reportedly she didn’t even have a passport prior to this holiday.

Why couldn’t someone with some brains have received the $10million, like me? Hmmm would I give it back or not? I’d like to think I was an honest person and say yes, but in reality, how hard would that be? And do you think the bank would reward you for your honesty? I don’t.

There’s nothing worse than cashed-up bogans and morons. It makes us intelligent people even angrier because we have plans for that money we’ll never get. Always wanted to start that business? Always wanted to undergo that risky career change? Always wanted to travel to exotic places the travel guides won’t even tell you about? Or how about that nice new house and car? No. We sit here reading about how it’s 30degrees in Hong Kong and how the fugitives went to Macau, probably to gamble. Why do you need to gamble when you’ve got millions sitting in the bank? Not only are they cashed-up bogans, but they’re greedy at the same time!

If the bogan fugitives have to repay Westpac what they spent then that will be proof there is a God.

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