Recommended NZ | Guide to Money | Gimme: Competitions - Giveaways

The Good Thing about Drug Lords(?)

Read More:
Dallas Boyd
Dallas Boyd

"Would you ever vote to legalize marijuana?"

Many years ago, in a mad moment of passing, I found myself talking politics with a man who ran quite the lucrative side project. I asked him, "Would you ever vote to legalize marijuana?" He puffed, "hell no! This business is how I pay my child support!"

Aside from the exciting risks involved with his dodgy little venture and how cool it made him feel, he had his point. But I wondered if he ever considered the consequences of getting caught - what that might do for his child then. Or what type of space in the world he was chipping out for her. Was this man lazy, selfish and greedy? Great heavens, no! Drug Lords are benevolent.

On a grander scale, the equally benevolent Christopher Coke has loyal supporters engaged in a violent drug battle with police in West Kingston, Jamaica. Despite the fact that "a few" innocent civilians are being gunned down (left, right and centre) Mr. Coke has "tentacles spread far and wide" because he´s such a good guy. He helps slum dwellers with grocery bills, jobs and school fees. Possibly even with child support. And in appreciation Mr. Coke´s great magnanimity, drug traffickers in the United States reguarly send him gifts, such as clothes, accessories, and car parts.

As budding Social Psychologists will learn, such reciprocal relationships are an inevitable part of human society. I scratch your back. You scratch mine.To receive a gift or favour from someone makes you feel indebted. Even if you don´t want to be. To break the social obligation of repaying kindness shows disloyalty and is frowned upon. And this is how you spread your tentacles. (Especially among people living in poverty.)

Now that I work within the hospitality industry, it has come to my attention that people with money are valued above all the rest. Especially if they give you a big fat tip and make you their special little helper. These same guiding principles of doing shameless stuff for people with lots of money perhaps explains why the other week a man was found cut in half, stuffed into a suitcase, and dumped into a river. It was logical to cut the man in half for two reasons.
1) To fit the body in a suitcase, in order to create a classic cliché.
2) So that the heroin could be extracted from his intestines, which he´d swallowed in capsules, as per instructions. To remove the heroin from the failed mule avoids a perfectly good waste of expensive product... Now this is just good business sense.

Admittedly life can be tricky to fathom at times, which is possibly why we spend so much time trying to dumb everything down. Among the "Most Popular" articles on news sites I see lip-smacking headlines such as "Meet the new Transformers hottie", "New-look Pussy Cat Dolls debut", and "Sick of Justin Bieber? Remove him."

I was just as curious as the next person to learn more about "Lewis shocked by undies flash" and "Hug a Ginga Day" (which is clearly endearing to people with red hair - hopefully soon we can think of more ways to single out ordinary people for special attention.) Regarding "Ronan Keating´s wife won´t take him back after cheat allegations" She´s clearly over-reacting. Ronan totally explained everything when he said it was just a fling that meant nothing. And as for diva Jesse James, who calls himself "the most hated man in the world" sorry Jess, but apparently an estimated 60% of married men cheat at some point. You´re not the number one most anything in the world.

None of these media press releases are rocket science so I challenge whether we can stretch our intelligence enough to apply it elsewhere. Critics of the war on drugs note that the current model focuses on punishment, creating a cycle of shitty lives, thread-bare education and piss-poor opportunities. Therefore the drug trade is turned to by people trying to earn a living. Or pay child support. “Penalties for drug crimes among youth almost always involve permanent or semi-permanent removal from opportunities for education, strip them of voting rights, and later involve creation of criminal records which make employment far more difficult” ...if not impossible. (In my personal experience, such men also make terrible boyfriends).

This is where the benevolent drug lords come in. A blessing in disguise, a fairy godmother, a boss who´s gonna help you put food on the table and clothes on your back.

Now who said the war on drugs cannot be won?

All articles and comments on have been submitted by our community of users. Please notify us if you believe an item on this site breaches our community guidelines.